Example 1 - How to Write a Novel

After base jumping into a boundless chasm of shock, awe, and tremendous redundancy that is the internet I landed on a page that fed my spirit of inspiration with a salad bowl of Reese's Puffs, Redbull, and Ritalin.

It's a methodical take on how to write a novel, other than those non-methodical ones, called the Snowflake Method: a ten step recipe for non-edible paper/light agglutinates that has you write out your entire story idea in one sentence. It's tougher than it seems. In that sentence practically every word must have real significance. None of that insubstantial crap you write in last-minute essays and exam questions you forgot to study.

From there you expand between the words, adding major plot points, characters, and the suches and other such suches until you've written a plagiarized copy of Twilight and are ready to reap the rewards of a parasitical champion!

Note: I do not endorse signing up or purchasing anything from this site, nor do I guarantee the safety of your computer's return after its visit, just as I would any internet site, and not just specifically this one.

The snowflake method is a cool idea. It's not for everyone, but then neither are tampons.
 Enjoy.

How to Write a Novel: The Snowflake Method

Seriously, So Annoying

Do you know what really bothers me?

Forgetting what I was about to write.

Creative Writing Topics

Many people think they have to be literary geniuses to write creatively, but that is not so. Creative writing topics can be as simple as what you did that day, a phone call you just received, a dream you had last night, or the music you just played. Creative writing topics can be found anywhere, and the only limits to what you write are the limitations you consciously and unconsciously place on yourself. Randomly throw some words onto paper. Donkey. Green. Slinky. Multiple Sclerosis.

There, you just wrote creative writing topics, except you didn't. I did.

Now try it yourself. See? You did it!...I'm assuming. But don't stop there! Get a permanent marker and write creative writing topics on your wall. On your sibling's forehead. On a complete stranger. Who cares, you're a future starlit author! They should be paying you to deface public property and public persons. It is your duty as a member of a spurious authorship! You're important! Teach them of your importance!

So now you're in jail. That's a creative writing topic too. Go with it! Use your shiv and scratch on the blood-blemished walls of justice, leave your mark! It is your destiny! Follow everything I say. I know what I'm doing, I've been to Greece. I'm lying. But I've seen Greek people, and I like Greek food, and I have friends who snapped Greece vacation shots of a rounded man taking in mouthfuls of polenta. Polenta is Italian. But Greek people aren't racist, they're just financially irresponsible, with a massive debt-to-gross domestic product ratio that may ultimately lead to no more polenta. "But I love polenta," said the portly man, in a rumblish bellow heard around the world.

And who doesn't?

The point is, polenta was made with starches found in farro, chestnut flour, millet, spelt, or chickpeas until the introduction of corn in the late 15th century. You can take that to the bank.

And if you could, try to cash it in for Euros, and save a failing country.